Peaceful

Ari turned 2 months old! Ever since he went through the infamous 6-8 weeks fussy phase (those two weeks were killer), he’s been a lot more smiley and social. He coos a lot more now too. But the downside is: when he smiles too much, he uses up all his energy then you have a cranky baby in about 30 minutes flat. It’s like clockwork. But now we know how to tire him out — get him to smile.

Ari also went on his first road trip. We planned a road trip with my family where we hit up Oroville, CA and Reno, NV in three days. It was memorable, long, and fun. On the way back home though I think both kids were tired of the drive. I know Ari cried for about the last two hours of the drive and nothing we did could soothe him. He eventually fell asleep from all the crying.

Reno, NV

Our first leg of the trip, we got to see Oroville, CA and the place where we got married. We were excited to show Ari the ranch but I don’t think our sleeping 8 week old cared too much, haha. After one night there, we drove the next day to Reno and Lake Tahoe. Now we can say Ari got to see his dad’s hometown.

Besties, but they don’t know it yet

I think these next 2 pictures sum up Ari’s and Ezekiel’s personalities pretty well. One is a smiler and a charmer and the other one is more serious and gets upset easily when he’s bothered or uncomfortable.

It’s only been two months since I’ve become a mother, but wow. It’s tiring but rewarding. I keep using all the cliches to describe parenthood but I guess they’re all true. I remember when I was pregnant, one of our friends told me how being a parent shows you how innately selfish we are. There are times when I just want to sit down somewhere quiet and not do anything, and of course those are the times that Ari wants to be picked up and entertained. And I realize how sacrificial parenthood is. I give so much of my day – time, energy, etc. – to this little child and when I think I have no more to give, I get a burst of energy and keep going. Another thing I realized is how much I’ve had to lean on God these last two months. I find myself praying throughout the day, God give me energy. God give me patience. Ha, I’ve become more dependent on my Heavenly Father since becoming a mother.

But besides the tiring long days, I always go to bed so happy to be Ari’s mother. There are times when I’m trying to write a blog post, or washing the dishes, and I look over at Ari and his face slowly goes from smiling to scrunched up, signaling that he’s about to cry. The moment he senses he’s alone, he looses it. I have to put aside my blog again, or pause on doing the dishes and walk over to my child and pick him up. And most of the time, he goes quiet right away as he nuzzles his head into my neck. His needs are simple yet it takes up all of me.

Being a parent is chaotic. I lug Ari with me from room to room as I try to clean up or finish up work, meanwhile all the lugging around causes him to spit up all over my shirt, neck, and hair. Then as I try to clean that up he starts to cry. Then he’s hungry. Then happy and smiling and wants to be talked to. Before you know it, it’s 5 PM and I’m thinking about dinner and wondering how I can cook without bringing Ari close to the stovetop. Then it’s bedtime and Russell and I knock out.

But amidst all the spit up, dirty laundry, and piles of dishes, it is surprisingly peaceful. Because if you are still enough and attentive enough, you’ll see the baby smile and occasionally coo – the best and most honest sound in the world. And when I watch Ari’s face go from content to upset when he gets set down, a piece of my heart is tugged because I know he’s just looking for his mom or dad. And when you pick him up (all 15 pounds of him), the automatic silence that follows it is calming and warm. All you can do is sit down with the baby on your chest and breathe him in. Time doesn’t matter, the chores don’t matter, and everything pales in comparison to this little human growing. Because this is what parenthood and motherhood is all about. And it’s peaceful.