Today was a good day. In the morning, I took Ari on a walk around the park. The school kids were playing dodgeball on the grass and Ari couldn’t stop watching them. I kept thinking how surreal it’d be when he’s in grade school, playing and running and talking. I hugged him a little longer when we got home before I put him down for a nap.
Today I felt like a great mom. I fed Ari some apples for a snack and I made sure he also got some proteins (beans), veggies (zucchini and spinach), and carbs (sweet potatoes) during meal times. I also spotted two new teeth coming through and I gave him some teething crackers which he’s learning how to hold and eat.
Today I felt like a horrible mom. I cried for half an hour and Russell had to hold Ari for a little bit while I hid under the covers of the bed in a dark dark room. Russell put Ari on the bed who then began patting my head under the covers. Ari was finally able to remove the covers and the smile he gave me when he found my face melted my heart. I cried some more because I hate feeling so easily overwhelmed when I’m only eight months into motherhood.
Today we booked tickets to visit family in Florida in January. I’m excited to fly and visit my in-laws but also anxious about the flight with a baby who always wants to move all. the. time.
Today Russell also bought us two Taylor Swift tickets for May of next year and I wanted to cry some more because how did I ever deserve such a loving and caring husband? It’s not just the tickets. It’s how he holds Ari and reminds me that I’m doing the best I can as a new mom and that Ari loves me and doesn’t think I’m failing. It’s how he makes dinner when he comes home and sees I’m exhausted and laying on the floor after a full day with Ari. It’s how he sees me watching videos of Taylor Swift on YouTube then goes and buys tickets for her concert. He did this today. Today, when I felt torn about being a mom. When he sees me at my worst he also sees me at my best. My heart is full and empty and just filled with so much emotion that I wanted to remember today.
Today was the kind of day that was hard to describe and difficult to reiterate. Before we were married, Russ and I agreed never to ask each other “How was your day?” after a long day. Today is one of those days that explains why. My heart was tugged in so many different directions and experienced every feeling that I could sum it up as “fine” but that would be both a lie and the truth.
I’m happy for today and can go to bed thankful for today.