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Slowing Down

As all the cliched sayings go, it’s going by so fast.

But at the same time, oh so slow. Every minute is a struggle. And I mean, a struggle. I spend each day trying to make it to naptime. Then when they’re sleeping, I sneak peeks into their quiet rooms, wishing they were awake so I could squeeze them tight. I never knew parenthood would be filled with so many paradoxes and extremes. But that’s my life right now in a nutshell.

Oliver has started solids! And he LOVES it!

I went on an overnight getaway with a fellow mommy friend. We spent the whole week texting each other about how excited we were to get a full night’s sleep uninterrupted. Our goal was to eat at restaurants where we normally wouldn’t take our kids. We waited in long lines and took our time eating (without having to share with our kids!). At one point, we were walking through a neighborhood and exclaimed how we could hear birds chirping! If that’s not a glimpse into the craziness of motherhood, I don’t know what is. I spend so much time wrangling my toddler in, soothing the toddler and the baby, grabbing snacks out of my bag, and on and on. I’m always doing something.

But at the end of the day, I love it. Of course. Ari exclaiming “mama!” when Russ facetimed me while I was away was everything. I love these kids so darn much.

Anyways, I can keep talking about my kids. I can also show you a million pictures. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how I feel like I’m always doing. And as a mom, as a wife, I am. It wasn’t until my little getaway this weekend, at all the silences I enjoyed, I realized how happily full my life is. I know it’s only a season and while it’s hard now, I will happily fill my silences with baby laughter and toddler shrieks. But since my life is full of children business right now, it means slowing down in other things.

I told Russell I wasn’t enjoying my Etsy shop as much anymore. All the orders kept taking my time away from my kids, and if not from my kids, then it took time away from resting. I stopped enjoying sewing and started dreading it. I also missed making myself fun things – like dresses and skirts and fun little bags. So I’m deciding to stop selling stuff on Etsy. This is not a big deal to some people but it is to me. Over the past year, I was surprised to see my sales increase drastically and actually make enough income from it to save and send Ari to preschool this Fall. But I’ve also realized that the things I make/sell are so labor and time intensive. And for the amount I sell them for, I’m basically working for below minimum wage while also neglecting time with my kids. So really the payoff is not worth it. At least not right now. I hope to get back into it once I have more time (whenever that is).

But! Now I get to sew things for myself again! I have so many dress and skirt patterns I’m itching to get back to. I hope to share some of my makes here as I slowly get back into it.

Wow, this post is all over the place.

One more random, Russ and I celebrated 6 years this past April! Even though the kids were sick and I had the stomach bug, every anniversary with Russ is the best kind.

Today

As I slowly get back into the rhythm of blogging, I’ll post little snippets of my day here and there. Here’s a little bit about my day today.

Yessss, I’m playing with text on pictures instead of text out here like a proper blogger. 😌 Hopefully it comes out readable!

To 2018!

2017 Summary:

  • Gave birth (!!!) to Ari
  • Celebrated 4 years of marriage
  • Went on a road trip with family to Oroville, CA; Reno, NV; and Lake Tahoe
  • Survived staying home with baby while Russ left to go to work
  • Traveled to Nashville, TN on a plane with a 3 month old
  • Survived being home alone with a baby for multiple days/nights while Russ traveled for work
  • Flew to Reno, NV with a 6 month old
  • Discussed and started Russell’s career change to architecture, which involves him going back to school
  • Discussed and still researching where our little family might move to

(more…)

Today

Today was a good day. In the morning, I took Ari on a walk around the park. The school kids were playing dodgeball on the grass and Ari couldn’t stop watching them. I kept thinking how surreal it’d be when he’s in grade school, playing and running and talking. I hugged him a little longer when we got home before I put him down for a nap.

Today I felt like a great mom. I fed Ari some apples for a snack and I made sure he also got some proteins (beans), veggies (zucchini and spinach), and carbs (sweet potatoes) during meal times. I also spotted two new teeth coming through and I gave him some teething crackers which he’s learning how to hold and eat.

Today I felt like a horrible mom. I cried for half an hour and Russell had to hold Ari for a little bit while I hid under the covers of the bed in a dark dark room. Russell put Ari on the bed who then began patting my head under the covers. Ari was finally able to remove the covers and the smile he gave me when he found my face melted my heart. I cried some more because I hate feeling so easily overwhelmed when I’m only eight months into motherhood.

Today we booked tickets to visit family in Florida in January. I’m excited to fly and visit my in-laws but also anxious about the flight with a baby who always wants to move all. the. time.

Today Russell also bought us two Taylor Swift tickets for May of next year and I wanted to cry some more because how did I ever deserve such a loving and caring husband? It’s not just the tickets. It’s how he holds Ari and reminds me that I’m doing the best I can as a new mom and that Ari loves me and doesn’t think I’m failing. It’s how he makes dinner when he comes home and sees I’m exhausted and laying on the floor after a full day with Ari. It’s how he sees me watching videos of Taylor Swift on YouTube then goes and buys tickets for her concert. He did this today. Today, when I felt torn about being a mom. When he sees me at my worst he also sees me at my best. My heart is full and empty and just filled with so much emotion that I wanted to remember today.

Today was the kind of day that was hard to describe and difficult to reiterate. Before we were married, Russ and I agreed never to ask each other “How was your day?” after a long day. Today is one of those days that explains why. My heart was tugged in so many different directions and experienced every feeling that I could sum it up as “fine” but that would be both a lie and the truth.

I’m happy for today and can go to bed thankful for today.