Saying No

I scrolled down my Instagram feed tonight. All the way down before kids to when we first got our condo and when I was still blogging regularly. The feelings I felt were a mix of annoyance (when and why did I have all this time); awe (I had all this time); and jealousy (what is time anyways).

I did not realize that I could envy a past version of myself but here I am at 29, realizing I am old enough to do just that.

This August will mark 10 years of me knowing Russell. Russ had a shaved head, which he buzzed himself to save money, and a big beard when I first met him. Part of me knew I was going to marry him that night I shook his hand after introducing myself. I only tell a few people this because it’s one of those things that you either believe or you don’t. And I normally don’t, but that night I did. And still do. So.

Anyways, that was a tangent.

I celebrated my birthday this past week. I always get nostalgic this time of year and I usually bust out the old diaries and reread them. I didn’t do that this year because 1) time and 2) I couldn’t be bothered. I feel like I’m stepping into a chapter of my life where I can finally feel comfortable saying no to things I don’t want to do. I listened to a mom podcast the other day and the lady talked about how motherhood made her more confident in her choices because now she knew what she wanted to do. After kids, you don’t want to waste your time on maybes or kindas. Your time is so limited that you can only make room and space for things that really matter to you. I’ve hit that spot in my life. The people in my life now are people I want in my life. The things I do are the things I want to do. And for the first time, my goals are clear.

Looking through past Instagram posts brought back many cases of yesses and nos. I’m sure it’d be that way too if I read past blog posts or old diaries. Now I’m happy that I can say no to things knowing full well I won’t regret it and go on about life with a sense of contentment. I now understand the passion behind my two-year old’s NOs! I’m on my toddler’s level. Although I am teaching him the refined art of a No thank you instead of his violent nos. Ah, we are all learning so I cannot fault him.

So I’ve been blogging a little bit more because I realized I like this platform more than my personal Instagram. You can catch me here more, sharing pictures I didn’t want to share on Instagram. And blabbing more than I need to. I hope to see you around.


Summer, So Far

Splash pads are a must. Ari loves summer just as much as I do – but I don’t think he likes the heat like I do. When the sun is shining, he sighs and says, “It’s hot today.”

Family camping. Ollie and I didn’t camp, but Russ and Ari did. Ari did really well and was excited to sleep in a tent! I thought he would cry and wake up other campers but he didn’t. He was super tired the next day though and needed an early nap. Russ and Ari are the same in that they both love the outdoors so of course, they woke up at sunrise because of excitement.

We started running. We signed up for a 5K in September and I’ve actually been running regularly. Who would’ve known that I would enjoy running. I use an app called Couch to 5K and it helps keep me on track. Here’s us on our weekly family runs (other times I run on my own in our community gym).

And there are lots of park days.

I also took my first mirror selfie. I’m fitting into my clothes again pre-pregnancy and while I am still not near what I was pre-babies, I am finally feeling great at where I am. I’ve accepted that it’ll never be the same and that’s a good thing. A great thing! I never knew I would have more confidence after gaining weight, having stretch marks, and skin that is not as tight as it used to be. Now, I feel proud to have been able to carry and birth two beautiful boys. It also helps that I have a husband who had never once talked negative about me and is always so encouraging and loving the moment I get down about myself. I’m in such a good spot in life.

Memorial Day Weekend Pics & Memories

Memorial weekend has come and past but I wanted to do this quick post because I got some cute pics of the family.

On Saturday, we went to San Diego Zoo. Ari loves pandas and we were hoping he would be able to see some real live ones but sadly, they are not there anymore and are back in China.

However, he loved the flamingoes and the one dog that was chilling with the baby cheetah.

Sunday rained and rained so no pictures from that day. On Memorial Day Monday, we went to my parents, house, borrowed a couple bikes and a bike attachment where we could put the kids in safely and had a fun family bike ride! One of my favorite memories by far. I don’t have pics of us on the bikes but I took some of when we stopped to let Ari play on the playground and to run down hills.

Loved this weekend. At one point, Oliver fell asleep on the bike ride home and Ari kept saying, “Oliver…Oliver…” So cute to see his older brother instincts come in. He was worried for Oliver as Ollie drifted to sleep that he eventually poked him in the eye, causing Oliver to jerk awake briefly before going back to sleep. Ha, these boys ❤

Slowing Down

As all the cliched sayings go, it’s going by so fast.

But at the same time, oh so slow. Every minute is a struggle. And I mean, a struggle. I spend each day trying to make it to naptime. Then when they’re sleeping, I sneak peeks into their quiet rooms, wishing they were awake so I could squeeze them tight. I never knew parenthood would be filled with so many paradoxes and extremes. But that’s my life right now in a nutshell.

Oliver has started solids! And he LOVES it!

I went on an overnight getaway with a fellow mommy friend. We spent the whole week texting each other about how excited we were to get a full night’s sleep uninterrupted. Our goal was to eat at restaurants where we normally wouldn’t take our kids. We waited in long lines and took our time eating (without having to share with our kids!). At one point, we were walking through a neighborhood and exclaimed how we could hear birds chirping! If that’s not a glimpse into the craziness of motherhood, I don’t know what is. I spend so much time wrangling my toddler in, soothing the toddler and the baby, grabbing snacks out of my bag, and on and on. I’m always doing something.

But at the end of the day, I love it. Of course. Ari exclaiming “mama!” when Russ facetimed me while I was away was everything. I love these kids so darn much.

Anyways, I can keep talking about my kids. I can also show you a million pictures. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how I feel like I’m always doing. And as a mom, as a wife, I am. It wasn’t until my little getaway this weekend, at all the silences I enjoyed, I realized how happily full my life is. I know it’s only a season and while it’s hard now, I will happily fill my silences with baby laughter and toddler shrieks. But since my life is full of children business right now, it means slowing down in other things.

I told Russell I wasn’t enjoying my Etsy shop as much anymore. All the orders kept taking my time away from my kids, and if not from my kids, then it took time away from resting. I stopped enjoying sewing and started dreading it. I also missed making myself fun things – like dresses and skirts and fun little bags. So I’m deciding to stop selling stuff on Etsy. This is not a big deal to some people but it is to me. Over the past year, I was surprised to see my sales increase drastically and actually make enough income from it to save and send Ari to preschool this Fall. But I’ve also realized that the things I make/sell are so labor and time intensive. And for the amount I sell them for, I’m basically working for below minimum wage while also neglecting time with my kids. So really the payoff is not worth it. At least not right now. I hope to get back into it once I have more time (whenever that is).

But! Now I get to sew things for myself again! I have so many dress and skirt patterns I’m itching to get back to. I hope to share some of my makes here as I slowly get back into it.

Wow, this post is all over the place.

One more random, Russ and I celebrated 6 years this past April! Even though the kids were sick and I had the stomach bug, every anniversary with Russ is the best kind.