Let’s take a break from Blogmas and talk about how the baby is getting bigger in my belly and frankly, I’m freaking out. There’s only so many Youtube videos I can watch about birthing stories, recovery processes, proper cloth diapering, etc. before I start to get overwhelmed. It’s like no matter how much I try to prepare for this baby, I realize that I don’t know anything.
There are days when I want him here already because I feel him move in my belly and it warms my heart to know him this close. But then – then – I run into a birthing story and all the reminders about the pain, recovery process, sleepless nights comes back and I’m so scared. I don’t know how to do this!! I feel like such a first time mom, blah.
Part of me wants to stop researching because I figured no matter what, I won’t be prepared. But…but…I still want to read about what goes into a hospital bag. What am I supposed to pack and bring to the hospital when I go into labor?! And then I read about this thing called a padsicle and oh my god, I shouldn’t have gone there. Again, another reminder about pain and how your body will never be the same.
You know what? Point me back to this blog post when I’m holding my little boy when he turns a couple months old. I would like to see how far I’ve come.