Friday, June 7, 2019
Friday, June 7, 2019
Memorial weekend has come and past but I wanted to do this quick post because I got some cute pics of the family.
On Saturday, we went to San Diego Zoo. Ari loves pandas and we were hoping he would be able to see some real live ones but sadly, they are not there anymore and are back in China.
However, he loved the flamingoes and the one dog that was chilling with the baby cheetah.
Sunday rained and rained so no pictures from that day. On Memorial Day Monday, we went to my parents, house, borrowed a couple bikes and a bike attachment where we could put the kids in safely and had a fun family bike ride! One of my favorite memories by far. I don’t have pics of us on the bikes but I took some of when we stopped to let Ari play on the playground and to run down hills.
Loved this weekend. At one point, Oliver fell asleep on the bike ride home and Ari kept saying, “Oliver…Oliver…” So cute to see his older brother instincts come in. He was worried for Oliver as Ollie drifted to sleep that he eventually poked him in the eye, causing Oliver to jerk awake briefly before going back to sleep. Ha, these boys ❤
As all the cliched sayings go, it’s going by so fast.
But at the same time, oh so slow. Every minute is a struggle. And I mean, a struggle. I spend each day trying to make it to naptime. Then when they’re sleeping, I sneak peeks into their quiet rooms, wishing they were awake so I could squeeze them tight. I never knew parenthood would be filled with so many paradoxes and extremes. But that’s my life right now in a nutshell.
I went on an overnight getaway with a fellow mommy friend. We spent the whole week texting each other about how excited we were to get a full night’s sleep uninterrupted. Our goal was to eat at restaurants where we normally wouldn’t take our kids. We waited in long lines and took our time eating (without having to share with our kids!). At one point, we were walking through a neighborhood and exclaimed how we could hear birds chirping! If that’s not a glimpse into the craziness of motherhood, I don’t know what is. I spend so much time wrangling my toddler in, soothing the toddler and the baby, grabbing snacks out of my bag, and on and on. I’m always doing something.
But at the end of the day, I love it. Of course. Ari exclaiming “mama!” when Russ facetimed me while I was away was everything. I love these kids so darn much.
Anyways, I can keep talking about my kids. I can also show you a million pictures. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how I feel like I’m always doing. And as a mom, as a wife, I am. It wasn’t until my little getaway this weekend, at all the silences I enjoyed, I realized how happily full my life is. I know it’s only a season and while it’s hard now, I will happily fill my silences with baby laughter and toddler shrieks. But since my life is full of children business right now, it means slowing down in other things.
I told Russell I wasn’t enjoying my Etsy shop as much anymore. All the orders kept taking my time away from my kids, and if not from my kids, then it took time away from resting. I stopped enjoying sewing and started dreading it. I also missed making myself fun things – like dresses and skirts and fun little bags. So I’m deciding to stop selling stuff on Etsy. This is not a big deal to some people but it is to me. Over the past year, I was surprised to see my sales increase drastically and actually make enough income from it to save and send Ari to preschool this Fall. But I’ve also realized that the things I make/sell are so labor and time intensive. And for the amount I sell them for, I’m basically working for below minimum wage while also neglecting time with my kids. So really the payoff is not worth it. At least not right now. I hope to get back into it once I have more time (whenever that is).
But! Now I get to sew things for myself again! I have so many dress and skirt patterns I’m itching to get back to. I hope to share some of my makes here as I slowly get back into it.
Wow, this post is all over the place.
One more random, Russ and I celebrated 6 years this past April! Even though the kids were sick and I had the stomach bug, every anniversary with Russ is the best kind.
As I slowly get back into the rhythm of blogging, I’ll post little snippets of my day here and there. Here’s a little bit about my day today.
Yessss, I’m playing with text on pictures instead of text out here like a proper blogger. 😌 Hopefully it comes out readable!
In the early days of teenage years, for a couple of summers, two of my cousins would come over and stay with us for a week. They would sleep in my room and during the day we would run around – that space between childhood and adulthood where you wanted to do more but never could quite get there.
One summer night, my parents took us to a community pool for some night swimming. I had never liked the pool. Or swimming. But my cousins seemed excited for it so I went along. For all the chattering we did, that night we were a bit more quiet than usual. It was because if you floated on your back and looked up at the night sky, you could feel the weight of the universe.
I remember that night so clearly. I can feel the water on my back holding me up, my hair floating around my head. I can hear my cousin’s soft oh as she looked at the stars. At one point my cousin and I held hands as we floated in the pool, knowing that if we let go, we would propel into the giant universe before us. I felt so small floating beneath the stars, so small but at the same time…significant. Like the water that held me, cradled me. It was like God whispering, I got you.
The other night, I was driving to the grocery store without my kids. As I turned into the road, I was hit with this memory. Something about the way the breeze drifted into my window reminded me of swimming at night when I was 14. I felt a fondness for that memory, close to a yearning. But instead of wanting to go back to being 14 (because, ugh, who wants to be that age again once you’ve gone through your 20s), I am looking forward to one day taking my boys to the pool at night and hoping they float aimlessly and look up.
I hope for this for my kids. That they too will spend a week with their cousins in the middle of a hot summer. In those awkward years where you feel insignificant and lost, I hope they realize the magnitude of the universe, of the God we serve, and feel comforted in the same instant they feel small. In those teenage years of feeling lost, I hope they feel found. That they may feel small but significant. That the might and vastness of the universe catapults them into stillness. I hope they too get memories of clarity so strong, they can’t forget. And instead of wishing of going back, they look forward. The universe is big and vast, but it’s punctured with infinite stars lighting the way.